Sunday, October 2, 2011
Something I liked...
I don't usually blog about religious things, but yesterday I was able to hear one of the closing speakers of this years general conference (Saturday session). It was about children, and how many children couples should have. What I liked about it was that the speaker gave light to the fact that although we are commanded to repopulate and replenish the earth, that does not mean we can all have 6 or 7 children. Personally, I have been asked repeatedly when we are going to have another baby. I can't tell you how annoying it is. People who do not know me well, may think I have everything under control, but in reality motherhood is very challenging for me. I have to work at it every day. And although I have the most precious, sweet, good natured, happy baby, it is very very challenging for me to keep on top of things while also keeping me head on straight. The speaker went on to say that the number of children couples have is entirely between them and the Lord. I love that. It is a definite reality that being Mormon puts a huge pressure on women to have more than one child, however hearing from this speaker (in particular) made me realize that some people can handle more than others, and if one child is enough for me, then that's ok, and I shouldn't have to feel bad about it. (not that I really ever did)
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One topic I hate in the church is children. When I was engaged someone in the stake presidency was talking to me and asked when we were planning on starting our family. I told him that we wanted to wait at least a year before we start adding to our family. He seemed so surprised and slightly angry and told me that we are meant to have children and blah, blah, blah. I quickly made an excuse and left to talk to someone else. It is totally between you and your husband and the Lord!
ReplyDeleteI originally wanted five but after having a really bad pregnancy, we may only have two. That's fine with me and if that is what works for us, then great. I'm glad he said that, it seems like everyone in the church thinks that once you get married you're supposed to start having kids until you can't have them anymore...not my thing. If you have 80 kids, great. If you have 1, wonderful. Sometimes people just need to butt out of other's personal lives.
Agreed! I originally wanted five (just liked the girl above me) and then I had a rough pregnancy and realized that motherhood is physically and mentally exhausting. Even when you have the sweetest, good natured, happy baby (like you said) cause I do too! Some people can just handle more than others and it's definitely between you, your husband and the Lord.
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how much time I've spent thinking about (and researching this topic). I grew up wanting 6 and thought we'd start right away. The Lord told me to wait to have kids and get my master's degree instead. No joke. Then I felt it was right to get my PhD. And God told me 2 kids would be an ok family size for us. I'm almost done with my PhD (my dissertation is actually on fertility) and pregnant with my 2nd child. Maybe we'll have a third, but this is probably it. The statement about the decision being between the couple and the Lord is actually in the Church handbook for ecclesiastical leaders (don't know about the new one that came out last year, but I assume it's still in there). I know because a family professor at BYU who was my Bishop showed it to the ward. People put so much pressure on, so soon after having a kid, and it's really hard. Most people don't know that I have a serious health issue that is relevant to my pregnancies/labors and there is a 50% chance that my kids will get it. Most people don't know I had the desire to have a big family, but that I've learned that I'm not cut out to be that kind of mom in this life. Most people don't know how hard it was to take care of a newborn with PPD. That's why people shouldn't try to get involved in the decision. But it's like people can't help themselves and it's so annoying!
ReplyDeleteTo put some of that in better context, we were married for over 5 years before we got pregnant with our first. I got married young!
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